Since I was a little kid I was filled with questions about human kind, I was very shy & quiet growing up, hence this made me very observant, I constantly wondered why certain people are this way & others respond to the same exact situation a different way, why is my family like this & my friend’s family that way, why do people freak out so much about such a ridiculous unimportant material thing, I was probably 5 years old when I understood it’s the little things that matter, I loved nature, I loved life, I decided right there & then I would learn from the good & bad qualities of the adults around me, try to use their good traits & apply them to my life & try to avoid their bad traits & try not to make the same mistakes they made…
This was & for the most part is my mentality now.
I still learn something about human behavior everyday & something new about myself along the way too.
The funny thing is that no matter how hard I tried not to make mistakes that other people did, I still did or try to approach things the best way they did, the result was not the same for me, I went through situations that put me through difficulties & I overcame it & grew stronger & learned something. Because we all learn with time what works for us & what doesn’t when faced with adversities or situations.
I been kind, I been tough, I been nonchalant, I been neutral, I been wrong, I been right, I been trying to be the best & a perfectionist, sometimes forgetting to just make my self happy because I have always liked more than anything putting a smile in people’s faces, helping others, lighting up their path, solving their problems, I was even told by my mother you’re the light in the world but you don’t even try to give your self your own light.
I been so kind & loving at times that people mistook it for weakness & took advantage of me, questioned my kindness & good heart, so this made me choosy who I share my good nature with. At times I alienated my self away from friends & then wondered why they didn’t talk to me as much, only to realize very recently that I unconsciously distanced my self from them because I love people but I truly enjoy solitude, but this doesn’t mean I am a loner, I simply enjoy individuality & quiet moments to think & meditate, take everything that’s going on around me & the world in.
I may never fully understand why we humans act the way we do, why we do this or that, why we hurt one another, why some of us care more than others, why some of us are good in nature while others like inflicting pain & sorrow, all I know is that life is short, we are like a tiny molecule in a vast universe filled with galaxies, planets & many undiscovered regions that I want to try my best to leave a good impression on this tiny beautiful planet of ours, I want to be remembered with a smile & good stories, so I am & will try to contribute to be a great human being, with flaws & virtues, ever learning, ever growing, ever loving, ever wondering, ever questioning all that is life, human nature, have a heart. This written, out loud thoughts could keep going & going but so do I…